It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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