Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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