his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
