she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize