I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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