Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
