I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
