my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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