Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
