I faked an abortion last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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