Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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