You can't special order awesome
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
