When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
