i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
