You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
