I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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