I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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