my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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