I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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