I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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