turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
