And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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