So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
