I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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