the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
