I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
