I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
