I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
