She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize