I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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