..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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