you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
