seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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