3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
