I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
do nipples grow back?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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