Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
