Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
