So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
