I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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