Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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