Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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