Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize