I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
