may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
