Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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