I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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