Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize