That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
