never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
