i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
