I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
