Who wears a wallet chain?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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