lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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