I'm jealous of your bromance
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
