Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My bed smells like the plague
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
