Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
