Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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