white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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