someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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