Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
