i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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