I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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