i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Randomize
